Learn to Forgive

I have been going through hardship last few days.
I'm having final exam at the moment, i lost someone who used to be important in my life, and other issues which make it even harder for me.

At that time, i couldn't concentrate on my study, i have to read 1 sentence for about 5 times.
Obviously i wasn't doing well on that exam, i can't even tell whether the exam was hard or it's me who don't have the idea of how to do it.

That someone that i trust, that i care for is actually not the one that i thought. I found out that all this time was just a drama, which looks beautiful, which i thought was real but actually not.
The ugly truth revealed by itself.
That was a huge impact for me, i don't know anything before, i don't even suspect and it even never cross my mind that something like that will happen, everything suddenly came to me, it came like a flood, i was struggling to find a dry place, a safe spot, at least a place for me to rest myself.
More and more truths revealed, i grew bitter, i felt hurt, i felt sad but at the same time a part of me wish that this was not real, i wish it was just a nightmare!

But then God makes me realized how good He is to me.
He lets me know the truth, He ends everything here so that it won't go further.
I started to thank Him, i know He is teaching me to be discipline through this.
I thank Him, but the bitter towards that person was still there.

God then reminded me of this verse:

Love is patient and kind, never jealous, boastful, proud, or rude.
Love isn't selfish or quick tempered.
It doesn't keep a record of wrongs that others do.
Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil.
Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.
Love never fail!
(1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-8 CEV)

I was overwhelmed, i can feel the peace! Every hate every bitterness , all gone in just a second.
I don't know how to describe this feeling, it feel so good.
Praise Him, how great is our God!

I can feel myself forgiving that person.
And believe or not, i even sent a bible verse to that person. It's Hebrews 12:1-13. At that time i suddenly felt the urge to send this verse to that person, and i just sent it the next second.

Our God is amazing!
I feel so blessed of knowing Him, He changed the way i think, the way i feel, the way i see things, everything!
All this things happened for my own good.

I really thank God!!
Indeed His loves never fail!

Keep growing in Him and glorify his name :)
Jesus loves us ALL.

The Butterfly is flying away

We once share laughter together

We once share happiness together

We once completed each other

But once the truth revealed

All left are memories

There's no regret, only thankful to God

For waking me up

Good by butterfly

The old me, where have you gone?

Lately I..

Haven't been baking
Haven't been taking photos
Haven't been watching drama
Haven't been socialize
Haven't been eating healthy
Haven't been focusing on my future
Haven't been..

It seems like the quality of my life is deteriorating instead of improving..

Where is the old me?

I'm finding a way back..

Life

Why are we living in this world?
Sometimes this question will come to my mind and I still haven't found the answer yet.
People born, live, old, sick and die. Then what's the point of this life?
This things suddenly came to my mind again when I've just finished reading a novel called 'Surat Kecil untuk Tuhan' which mean 'A letter to God'. This novel is base on true story. It's a really touching story yet it a story which make you realized of how important this life is.

The story is about a girl, called Gita Sesa Wanda Cantika (Keke), who was diagnosed with cancer when she was 13 years old. She has the same age with me, we born from the same year. I still remember when i was 13 years old, I was still playing at that time, still don't know anything, but in the other part of the world a girl with the same age with me is struggling so hard for her life.
She was struggling for 3 years and on 25 December 2006 she left this world and all the people that she love.
The novel tell us that Keke was a kind girl, she was smart, courageous, and she never feel hopeless even though she knew that she might die because of the cancer. But instead of losing her spirit, she try to accept what God have gave her and she still believe in God, she still believe that God still love her and what she had gone through is just a trial from God.

Can you imagine a 13 years old girl can accept all this hardship? without complaining? She is a role model for all of us. During last couple month of her life, she still joined the school exam even though on the last day of her test she had to ask someone to help her fill the answer sheet because she didn't has the strength to fill the answer anymore. What really amazing is that she got the 3rd rank on her class!
She even act ok to people around her so that they don't worry about her even though she left an extreme pain inside of her body.
She still think of others when her life is between live and death.
I remembered last time when i felt dizzy and i didn't go to work, this make me think, what have i done? my dizziness is nothing compare to her pain!

Some people use drug, some people want to end their live by committing suicide. Why don't we just sit down and think, somewhere in this world people are struggling to keep breathing, then why can't we appreciate our live? the most precious things that God has gave us?
Instead of doing nothing why don't we just use this chance that God has gave us to do something important? we can start with fixing ourselves by throwing away our bad habit and start doing good things!

I'm a type of people who is scare of death, because of what? because I'm scare to leave the people that i love or the people that i love leave me. I know that nothing is everlasting in this world and this make me realized that i need to appreciate more of my life, to be thankful, to show more love to people around me.
I don't want to waste my time anymore since every second count!

The last words that Keke told her family during her very last breath which makes me so amazed of her is that "live harmonious and happy life when Keke left..!"

Last things that i want to share is the words that Keke share with all of us before she left this world.

Surat Kecil untuk Tuhan


Tuhan..
Andai aku bisa kembali..
Aku tidak ingin ada tangisan di dunia ini.
Tuhan..
Andai aku bisa kembali
Aku tidak ingin ada hal yang sama terjadi padaku, terjadi pada siapapun
Tuhan..
Bolehkah aku menulis surat kecil untuk-Mu
Tuhan..
Bolehkan aku memohon satu hak kecil untuk-Mu
Biarkan aku tetap melihat bulan dan bintang
Tuhan..
Bolehkah aku..
Hidup untuk waktu yg lama
Tuhan..
Bolehkah aku..
Tersenyum untuk waktu yang lebih lama
Agar tidak ada lagi air mata dalam hidupku..
Tuhan..
Bolehkan aku menjadi dewasa seperti burung yang terbang sebebasnya dilangit
Tuhan..
Bolehkah engkau tidak pisahkan aku dari ayah dan teman-teman yang aku sayangi.
Tuhan..
Surat kecil ini
Adalah permintaan terakhirku.
Andai aku bisa kembali

Cheese Swiss Roll

Hi there! I haven't been updating my blog for a while.
I've been busy of my assignment, oh gosh! it makes me sick when i heard assignment.
Anyway, lately i've been craving for swiss roll, especially the one which is from my country, the most famous & well know which called Bolu Meranti (the name of the brand). Their swiss roll have different flavor & the one that i like the most is the cheese flavor.
So yesterday i went down to the kitchen & i baked it.
What really surprise me is that it's actually a very easy cake to make, i never imagine that it's that easy!!
I brought some to Uni today & give it to my friends, they love it!! XD

Cheese Swiss Roll


Sponge recipe :
100gr plain flour
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
4 eggs
110gr caster sugar
50gr unsalted butter, melted

Butter cream recipe :
200gr unsalted butter
100gr icing sugar
Grated cheddar cheese

Method (sponge cake) :

• Preheat oven to 180C
• Sift the flour and baking powder 3-4 times
• Place egg and sugar in a mixing bowl, mix with electrical mixer on high speed until triple in volume, pale, thick and fluffy. It will takes more than 5 minutes, just be patient :)
• Sift flour 1/3 a times over the egg and sugar mixture, gently fold in the flour using a spatula
• Fold through the melted butter
• Grease the baking tray with non-stick baking paper
• Pour in the mixture, make sure that the mixture reached every 4 corner of the tray, you can also use a spatula to make the surface even
• Bake for 10 minutes or until the surface is golden brown or comes away from the sides of the tray
• Lift up from the baking tray
• Flop the cake upside down, using another baking paper as the base, then remove the cake from the baking paper (the one that the cake stick on)
• Cover the cake with a tray to prevent the cake from drying

Method (Butter cream) :

• Place butter and sugar in a mixing bowl
• Mix with high speed using an electrical mixer until pale and creamy

Method (assembling the cake) :

• Put the golden brown skins of the cake as the base
• Spread the cream & grated cheese as desired
• Slowly roll the cake ( I recommended you to watch the video of how they roll they cake before you roll it yourself, it will helps a lot! )

Egg Tart for Fundraising

I've been so excited about this last week, have been thinking about this!
Well, here's the story..
Last 2 weeks which was on Sunday morning, i was having my breakfast with my sister. I suddenly-randomly asked here about ministry in church. I said that I wanna involved myself for the church.

Then she started to state the ministry one by one, she then came up with fundraising. I remembered she said "oh! do you wanna join my fundraising ministry? actually the family team is going to do the fundraising, but none of them are available for next week fundraising. How if you do the fundraising for next week?".

Of course I replied YES, i want! not because of what, but because of I am very interested on baking stuff.
Both of us then busy of thinking what I'm going to make for the fundraising, and in the end, we end up with Cantonese Egg Tart for the fundraising.

I've baked this before that's why i was quite confident. I was then quickly search for the recipe, from the blog that I followed and also the same recipe that i used before.

Decision was reached, Next Fundraising : Egg Tart

So this was last 2 week story, it means that I've made the egg tart & the fundraising has passed.
I woke up on 7.30am last saturday and started to bake at 8am. Btw, i had 110 order!!

I couldn't slept well the night before because I was too excited & i was kind of afraid that I won't finished it on time, because i was working on saturday night. But indeed! I managed to finished all of them by 3pm. I was so happy even though I almost can feel my right arm. hahaha :D

Here's the recipe which i adopted from Christine's Recipe, she is a great cook!!


Cantonese Egg Tart

 i use cupcakes tin to bake :p

Ingredient of crust :
225g plain flour, sifted
125g unsalted butter
55g icing sugar
1 egg, whisked
a dash of vanilla extract
unsalted butter (for greasing)

Ingredient of custard :
3 eggs
110g caster sugar
225g hot water
85gr evaporated milk
1/2tsp vanilla extract (optional)

Method (crust) :

• Place butter at room temperature until softened. Place butter and sugar in a mixing bowl, beat on medium speed with electrical mixer until creamy, light in color and fluffy
• add in whisked egg, half at a time, and beat with low speed
• add vanilla extract and mix well
• add in flour, half a time and knead into dough. make sure all ingredient combine well
• lightly grease tart tin with butter
• roll dough to 1/2 cm thick, line into the tin, lightly press the dough with your thumbs at the same time turn the tin clockwise to make an even tart shell.

Method (custard) :

• add sugar into hot water, mix until completely dissolved
• add eggs and evaporated milk in a mixing bowl, whisked until well combined
• add in sugar water, mix well
• sift egg mixture into a pot to get rid of the foam
• pour in the egg mixture to each tart shell

Method (baking tarts) :

• preheat oven to 200C (fan force)
• bake tart in the second lower rack for 10-15minutes or until the edges are slightly brown 
• move tart to the middle rack, bake for another 10-15 minutes
• in this state, keep eye on the custard, when the custard is slightly puff up, pull open the oven door about 4-5cm to prevent the custard from puffing up.
• bake until the custard is cooked ( insert a toothpick in the middle of the custard, if the toothpick stands on its own, then it's cook)

Tips :)

• try not to under cooked the tart or it won't be crispy.
• I place the tin on the second lower rack at first to cook the tart shell, so that it won't over cooked the edge of the shell and the custard or you will have burn looking edge of the shell.
• prevent the custard from puffing up too high because it will sink when its cooled down.
• I don't put vanilla extract on the custard because it will give an artificial taste on the custard, but it's optional if you want to put it.

 Happy Baking and Good Luck XD!!

Chocolate macaroon tart

As what i've said from my last post, i'll post about baking on my next post. And here it is, I baked Chocolate macaroon tart yesterday. I suddenly have the urge to bake yesterday, so I opened my Donna Hay's chocolate essentials book & end up decided to bake this macaroon tart.

Actually the original recipe is Raspberry macaroon tart, but I don't put the raspberry.
Anyway, I'll share you the recipe which adopted from Donna Hay :)

Raspberry macaroon tarts


Tart:
3 egg white
165ml sugar (I used white sugar)
3 cups (225g) desiccated coconut


Chocolate filling:
2 eggs
125ml cream
125g dark chocolate, chopped
2 tablespoons caster sugar
2 tablespoons self-raising flour, sifted

Method :

• Preheat the oven to 140C (280F)
• Combine egg whites, sugar and coconut in a mixing bowl to make the macaroon tarts
• Grease 2 x 5 cm tart tins and with removable bases
• Press over firmly over the base and the sides
• Bake for 20-25 minutes or until the macaroon shells are firm 
• To make the filling, place cream and chocolate in a saucepan over low heat and stir until smooth, put aside
• Place eggs and sugar in a bowl with electric mixer and beat with high speed until light and creamy
• Fold in flour
• Fold in the chocolate mixture
• Spoon the mixture into macaroon shells, bake for 20-25 minutes or until the filling is just firm
• Cool in the tins
• Serve 15 

I actually make two recipe of the chocolate filling and end up with a lot of them left, so I just pour them into the mini cupcakes tin & bake them.
They turn out like mini sponge cake :)